Are we losing our children in the changing face of parenting?

Modern society has made remarkable progress in education, technology and personal freedom. Yet an uncomfortable question confronts parents, educators and society: are we preparing our children to navigate an increasingly complex world?

A recent report about a family raising concerns over their university-going son's alleged relationship with a much older adult has prompted wider reflection on parenting, morality and personal responsibility. Without prejudging the individuals involved, the reported circumstances raise important questions about the guidance young people receive and the responsibilities adults must uphold.

For many Kenyan families, educating a child comes at an enormous cost. Parents sell land, borrow money and sacrifice personal comfort to secure their children's future. University admission represents years of hope and determination. However, education must extend beyond academic qualifications to include sound judgement, emotional intelligence and responsible decision-making. Are we investing in our children's academic success while neglecting their character formation?

Parenting today is complicated by social media, changing cultural expectations and the pressure to achieve instant success. Young people encounter idealised lifestyles and relationship messages that can influence their attitudes towards money, intimacy and personal fulfilment. While technology offers valuable opportunities, it cannot replace the guidance children need to interpret what they see online.

Research published in the Journal of Adolescence in 2026, reviewing 27 studies involving 26,337 adolescents, highlighted the relevance of parental communication, modelling and guidance in young people's social-media use. The lesson is clear: parents must engage children in meaningful conversations rather than relying solely on restrictions or punishment.

Unfortunately, providing for children can sometimes take precedence over being emotionally present. Parents may work tirelessly to pay school fees and meet material needs but have little time to discuss loneliness, peer pressure, relationships, consent or personal safety. How often do we ask our children what they are experiencing beyond the classroom? Can they admit mistakes without fear of humiliation? When difficult conversations become occasions for anger and condemnation, young people may choose silence over seeking help.

The challenge is to create a family environment where openness and discipline coexist. Children need clear boundaries, but they also need adults who listen, demonstrate integrity and help them develop independent judgement.

The conduct of adults deserves equal scrutiny. A significant age difference does not automatically make a relationship improper when both parties are adults. However, differences in wealth, influence and life experience can create power imbalances that warrant careful consideration. Every adult has a responsibility to respect boundaries and ensure that relationships are free from coercion or exploitation.

Morality cannot be demanded of young people while adults are exempted from accountability. Maturity should be reflected in responsible conduct, respect for others and an understanding of the consequences of one's actions.

The Bible offers enduring guidance on character formation. Proverbs 22:6 urges parents to train children in the way they should go. This calls for deliberate instruction and consistent example, not the assumption that children will automatically adopt the values they hear preached.

Nevertheless, parents must recognise that guidance changes as children mature. A 19-year-old is legally an adult in Kenya and has personal autonomy. Parents cannot make every decision on an adult child's behalf, but they can remain trusted advisers and a source of emotional and practical support.

Schools, universities, religious institutions and communities must also contribute. Guidance and counselling should address healthy relationships, digital literacy, emotional resilience and responsible decision-making — subjects essential to preparing young people for life beyond the classroom.

Seeking legal assistance when a person's welfare is in question is legitimate and should not be interpreted as parental failure. Where allegations of coercion or exploitation arise, they must be investigated fairly, without public condemnation before the facts are established. At the same time, families should strive to build strong communication channels long before difficulties escalate.

Ultimately, successful parenting is not measured solely by academic grades, material possessions or public reputation. It is reflected in the values and judgement young people carry into adulthood. We cannot prevent every mistake, but we can equip our children to recognise unhealthy situations, make informed choices and seek help when necessary.

The question is not whether modernity has destroyed morality, but whether we are adapting our parenting to changing times without abandoning responsibility and integrity. Our children need more than school fees and academic ambitions — they need our time, our example and the wisdom to navigate a world in which freedom must be accompanied by responsibility. The future of parenting will be secured not by condemnation after a crisis, but by consistent guidance long before one occurs.