Bad adults are rarely an accident. In many cases, they are the final product of years of unchecked behaviour, weak boundaries, and a culture that increasingly confuses discipline with cruelty.
The rude employee, the dishonest partner, the disrespectful citizen, and the entitled adult often did not suddenly appear at age thirty. Their behaviour was quietly tolerated, defended, and sometimes even celebrated from childhood.
Modern society has become deeply uncomfortable with correcting children. A child talks back to elders and people laugh, calling the child “bold” or “confident.” A learner throws tantrums in public spaces and everyone walks away silently because nobody wants to appear harsh. A teenager insults a teacher and, instead of accountability, the parent storms into school ready to defend the child before hearing the full story. Slowly, a dangerous message is planted in the child’s mind: rules are optional, authority is negotiable, and consequences belong to other people.
Years later, society meets the finished product.
Why discipline matters
Many workplaces today are struggling with young adults who cannot handle supervision, criticism, or correction. Some employees resign after the slightest disagreement with managers. Others argue with every instruction because they were never taught that respect is part of maturity. Relationships collapse because one partner cannot apologise or accept responsibility. Even simple disagreements become wars because emotional regulation was never developed early in life.
The truth many people avoid is that discipline is not abuse. Discipline is guidance. It is teaching a child that actions carry consequences. It is teaching patience, respect, self-control, and accountability. Unfortunately, in many homes, discipline has been replaced with endless negotiation, emotional bribery, or fear of upsetting children.
Parents sometimes say, “I do not want my child to suffer the way I suffered.” That desire is understandable. Nobody wants to raise children through fear, humiliation, or violence. However, in trying to avoid harshness, some parents swing to the opposite extreme and remove structure completely. The child becomes the centre of the universe. Every discomfort is treated like oppression. Every correction is treated like trauma.
The reality beyond the home
But the world outside the home does not operate that way.
Schools, universities, workplaces, and society all function through expectations and boundaries. A learner who refuses instructions in school may later become an employee who refuses direction at work. A child who never hears the word “no” may grow into an adult who believes every desire must be instantly satisfied. Such individuals often struggle with resilience because they were protected from discomfort instead of being prepared for it.
This issue is becoming increasingly visible in schools. Teachers across Kenya frequently report rising cases of disrespect, defiance, emotional outbursts, and parents who automatically side with learners regardless of evidence. Some parents treat schools like customer service centres where discipline is seen as an attack on personal rights. As a result, teachers are left trying to educate children without meaningful support from home.
Yet schools cannot replace parenting.
Role of parents in character formation
Teachers may guide, advise, and mentor learners, but character formation begins long before a child enters a classroom. Respect is first learned at home. Accountability is first learned at home. Emotional control is first learned at home. If parents outsource these responsibilities entirely to schools, churches, or the internet, society eventually pays the price.
This does not mean children should be raised through fear. Harsh parenting can produce wounded adults who are anxious, secretive, or emotionally distant. The solution is not cruelty. The solution is balanced parenting that combines love with firmness. Children need warmth, but they also need boundaries. They need freedom, but also responsibility. They need encouragement, but also correction.
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A healthy parent is not one who avoids upsetting a child at all costs. A healthy parent is one who prepares the child for real life. Sometimes preparation means saying “no.” Sometimes it means enforcing consequences. Sometimes it means refusing to defend a child who is clearly wrong. These moments may create temporary discomfort, but they build long-term character.
Confidence versus entitlement
One of the greatest failures of modern parenting is confusing confidence with lack of discipline. True confidence is not arrogance. It is not disrespect. A truly confident child can express themselves respectfully, accept correction gracefully, and interact with others responsibly. Confidence without discipline becomes entitlement.
Society today desperately needs adults who can manage emotions, respect others, accept responsibility, and work through difficulties without collapsing. Such qualities do not appear magically in adulthood. They are built gradually through consistent parenting, correction, and example.
Parents must therefore ask themselves an uncomfortable question: are they raising children for temporary happiness or for responsible adulthood? The two are not always the same. A child may dislike rules today but appreciate them later in life. Many successful adults eventually realise that the boundaries they resisted in childhood protected and prepared them.
A responsibility that cannot be ignored
The future of society depends not only on academic success but also on character formation. Homes that teach respect, accountability, humility, and discipline contribute to healthier schools, workplaces, marriages, and communities. Homes that avoid correction in the name of comfort may unintentionally release adults into society who struggle to function within it.
Parenting is not simply about making children feel loved. It is also about preparing them to live responsibly among other human beings. When parents neglect that responsibility, society eventually inherits the consequences.
By Ashford Kimani
Ashford teaches English and Literature in Gatundu North Sub-county and serves as Dean of Studies.
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