- Ashford Kimani explores how Mel Robbins’ philosophy can help Kenyans overcome the burden of seeking constant approval.
- The article examines how the principle applies to families, leadership, politics, workplaces, and social media.
- It argues that emotional maturity begins by accepting what cannot be controlled while remaining faithful to one’s values.
One of the greatest sources of stress in modern life is trying to control other people. We want everyone to agree with us, appreciate us, support our decisions, and behave according to our expectations. When they do not, we become frustrated, angry, and disappointed. In The Let Them Theory, Mel Robbins presents a simple yet profound principle: Let them. If people want to criticize you, let them. If they choose to misunderstand you, let them. If they walk away from your life, let them. Stop wasting energy trying to control what you cannot control and instead focus on what you can—your own response.
This message speaks directly to the Kenyan experience. Our society is deeply communal, and that is one of our greatest strengths. Families support one another, neighbours know each other, and communities celebrate together. However, this close-knit culture can also create enormous pressure to live according to other people’s expectations. Too many Kenyans spend their lives seeking permission to pursue their dreams instead of pursuing them with confidence.
Consider the young graduate who wants to start a business but is constantly told to wait for a government job. Every family gathering becomes an interrogation about employment. Rather than encouraging innovation, relatives discourage risk-taking. Mel Robbins would simply say, “Let them.” Let them hold their opinions, but do not surrender your vision because of them. Some of Kenya’s most successful entrepreneurs were initially dismissed as dreamers before they became employers of thousands.
Politics offers another powerful example. Every election season, friendships are broken, families become divided, and communities turn against one another because of political differences. Many people spend months arguing on social media, trying to convince those who have already made up their minds. Yet democracy allows every citizen to make personal choices. Respectfully presenting your ideas is worthwhile, but becoming consumed by the need to change everyone else’s opinion only breeds bitterness. Sometimes the healthiest response is simply to let people make their choices while remaining committed to peaceful coexistence.
Leadership and social media
The theory also has important lessons for leadership. Kenyan leaders often spend too much energy responding to every criticism, rumour, and social media trend. Every negative headline attracts an emotional reaction. Every online comment becomes a battle to be won. Yet no leader in history has been universally loved. Effective leadership requires the maturity to distinguish between constructive criticism that deserves attention and noise that deserves to be ignored. Leaders who chase public approval often lose sight of their mission.
Social media has made The Let Them Theory even more relevant. Every day, Kenyans post photographs, opinions, and achievements online. Within minutes, strangers begin praising, criticizing, mocking, or comparing them. Many people delete posts because of negative comments. Others become anxious because their achievements receive fewer likes than someone else’s. Robbins reminds us that other people’s opinions belong to them, not to us. If someone dislikes your success, let them. If they choose to gossip, let them. Their reaction reflects their perspective, not your worth.
This principle also applies to the workplace. Every office has colleagues who criticize others, compete unfairly, or spread rumours. Attempting to control their behaviour often becomes emotionally exhausting. Instead, focus on your own professionalism, integrity, and competence. Excellence remains the strongest response to unnecessary criticism.
Families can also benefit from this perspective. Parents cannot force adult children to make every decision they desire. Adult children cannot compel parents to approve every life choice. Husbands and wives cannot change each other’s personalities through constant arguments. Healthy relationships recognize that every individual has freedom of choice. We can advise, encourage, and pray, but we cannot control another person’s decisions. Accepting this reality often reduces conflict and strengthens mutual respect.
A biblical perspective
The Bible teaches a similar principle. Jesus never forced anyone to follow Him. When the rich young ruler refused to surrender his wealth, Jesus allowed him to leave sorrowfully. He did not lower the standard to keep him among His followers. Likewise, when many disciples abandoned Him after hearing difficult teaching, Jesus did not chase after them to make His message more acceptable. He respected their freedom to choose.
The Apostle Paul echoed this understanding in Romans 12:18, saying, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Notice the qualification: as far as it depends on you. Paul recognized that peace requires cooperation. You are responsible for your actions, your words, and your attitude—but not for the choices others make.
This biblical wisdom challenges many Kenyans who constantly carry emotional burdens that do not belong to them. Some worry endlessly because neighbours criticize them. Others refuse opportunities because relatives may disapprove. Still others remain in unhealthy friendships or toxic relationships simply because they fear what people will say if they leave. The result is emotional exhaustion and a life governed by public opinion rather than personal conviction.
However, “Let them” does not mean becoming indifferent or irresponsible. It does not excuse injustice, corruption, or wrongdoing. If laws are broken, they should be enforced. If people are oppressed, they should be defended. If truth is under attack, it should be proclaimed. The principle simply reminds us that we cannot control another person’s heart. We can only control our own response.
A lesson Kenya should embrace
Kenya needs citizens who are emotionally mature enough to stop living at the mercy of other people’s opinions. We need leaders who remain focused despite criticism, entrepreneurs who pursue their visions despite doubters, students who follow their calling despite peer pressure, and families that respect one another’s freedom while remaining united in love.
Mel Robbins’ The Let Them Theory offers a liberating truth. Life becomes lighter when we stop trying to manage everyone else’s thoughts, words, and actions. We cannot control how people judge us, misunderstand us, or respond to us. We can only control our own character, our own choices, and our own purpose.
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In the end, the most peaceful life is not one where everyone approves of you. It is one where you have learned to let others be responsible for their choices while remaining faithful to your own values. That is a lesson Kenya would do well to embrace.
By Ashford Kimani
Ashford Kimani is a teacher of English and Literature who writes about education and social affairs.
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