- Astiba Kebong’o examines how teachers can respond to disrespect from administrators, parents, learners and colleagues without abandoning professionalism.
- She argues that composure, clear boundaries, documentation and appropriate reporting can protect both professional dignity and personal wellbeing.
- Teachers, she says, must distinguish between conflicts worth confronting and those best handled without sacrificing their peace of mind.
Teaching is a noble profession, though I’m yet to understand this, but nobility does not make teachers immune to disrespect.
Behind the classroom door is a professional who can be undermined by an administrator, confronted by an angry parent, challenged by a learner or isolated by colleagues. While teachers are expected to demonstrate patience, professionalism and emotional maturity, they are also human beings who deserve dignity.
The real question, therefore, is not whether teachers will encounter disrespect. Some inevitably will. The more important question is: How should a teacher respond without sacrificing professionalism, self-respect or peace of mind?
One of the greatest lessons I have learnt is that not every battle deserves a reaction. Sometimes strength is demonstrated not by raising one’s voice, but by maintaining composure when others expect an emotional response.
There are workplaces where a teacher can work tirelessly and still feel that nothing is ever good enough. A teacher may arrive early, leave late, take additional responsibilities and consistently deliver results, yet still encounter criticism or belittlement.
This can be emotionally exhausting.
However, professional excellence should not become a desperate search for approval. A teacher’s worth cannot be determined entirely by the opinion of one administrator.
Psychologist Carl Rogers’ humanistic approach emphasised the importance of self-acceptance and personal growth. Teachers therefore need to distinguish between constructive criticism and personal humiliation.
Constructive criticism improves performance. Disrespect diminishes the person.
When instructions are unclear, seek clarification. When expectations change, document them. When an important discussion takes place verbally, a polite written follow-up can prevent future misunderstandings.
Instead of responding defensively to criticism, a teacher can calmly ask:
“What specifically would you like me to improve?”
Such a question shifts the discussion from personalities to professional expectations.
And when correction becomes unnecessarily humiliating, there is nothing wrong with respectfully requesting a private conversation.
Professionalism does not mean surrendering your dignity.
Rogers was one of the founders of humanistic psychology and developed the person-centred approach, with concepts including self-concept and unconditional positive regard. The author’s general reference to his work is therefore sound.
Parents deserve respect — and so do teachers
Parents are important partners in education. They have every right to seek explanations concerning the welfare, conduct and academic progress of their children.
However, partnership cannot flourish where communication becomes abusive.
Teachers should learn to listen before responding. An angry parent may have received incomplete information or may simply be reacting emotionally to something concerning their child.
Instead of immediately becoming defensive, the teacher can say:
“I understand your concern. Let us look at the facts together.”
Evidence is often more powerful than emotion.
Attendance records, assessment results, communication records, behaviour reports and other relevant documentation can help transform a confrontation into a constructive conversation.
At the same time, teachers should establish respectful boundaries.
Being a parent does not give anyone a licence to insult a teacher.
A calm statement such as, “I am willing to discuss the matter, but I would appreciate it if we could do so respectfully,” can change the direction of a difficult conversation.
The Bible reminds us in Proverbs 15:1 that, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” This is not a call for teachers to accept abuse. Rather, it is a reminder that our response can either extinguish conflict or pour fuel on it.
Do not turn every learner’s behaviour into a battle of egos
Classroom authority is essential, but authority is not the same as intimidation.
Learners will sometimes test boundaries. A sarcastic remark, refusal to follow instructions, disruptive laughter or public challenge can tempt a teacher into an immediate confrontation.
But the teacher who reacts to every provocation risks surrendering control of the classroom to the very learner who is provoking them.
A calm teacher can pause, continue with the lesson and address the matter appropriately afterwards.
Instead of asking, “What is wrong with you?”, a teacher can ask:
“What happened, and why did you choose to respond that way?”
The first question attacks identity. The second investigates behaviour.
This distinction matters.
Discipline should correct behaviour without humiliating the learner. Consequences should restore order rather than satisfy the teacher’s anger.
Teachers must also remember that difficult behaviour may sometimes be a symptom of challenges a learner is experiencing beyond the classroom.
Understanding this does not mean tolerating misconduct. It means responding intelligently.
As the Bible says in James 1:19, believers should be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
That is excellent advice for every classroom.
Colleagues do not have to become your friends
One of the most painful forms of workplace conflict can come from colleagues.
Teachers work closely together, yet professional environments can sometimes develop cliques, gossip, competition and passive aggression.
A colleague may undermine another teacher’s idea, exclude someone from important information or turn private conversations into staffroom gossip.
The temptation is to fight every rumour.
That is exhausting.
A better approach is to maintain professionalism, confront genuine concerns directly and refuse to participate in destructive gossip.
Teachers should also understand the difference between being friendly and being completely exposed.
Not everyone needs to know your private struggles, financial affairs, family matters, future plans or personal frustrations.
Boundaries are not hostility.
They are wisdom.
If a colleague has a legitimate concern, invite a direct conversation:
“If there is an issue concerning my work, I would prefer that we discuss it openly and professionally.”
This approach removes oxygen from gossip and places responsibility where it belongs.
Protect your mental health
There is another dimension that schools cannot afford to ignore: the mental wellbeing of teachers.
Repeated disrespect may appear insignificant when viewed as a single incident, but constant criticism, humiliation, hostility or workplace tension can gradually wear down a person’s confidence and emotional resilience.
A teacher who continually carries staffroom conflicts into the classroom and classroom conflicts into the home may eventually feel emotionally drained.
This is why teachers need healthy ways of processing difficult experiences.
Talk to a trusted person. Seek professional support when necessary. Take time to rest. Maintain interests outside school. Exercise, read, pray and nurture relationships that restore rather than drain you.
Most importantly, do not confuse seeking help with weakness.
A teacher can be strong and still need support.
There is also a need for school leaders to recognise that teacher wellbeing is not a luxury. A mentally and emotionally supported teacher is better positioned to teach, mentor learners, manage classrooms and contribute positively to the institution.
As the Bible reminds us in 3 John 1:2, “I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you.”
The message is simple: the person behind the profession matters too.
Document, report and seek help when necessary
Resilience should never be confused with silently enduring serious mistreatment.
Some situations require formal intervention.
If a teacher experiences persistent harassment, threats, discrimination, intimidation or professional sabotage, appropriate institutional channels should be used.
Document incidents objectively. Keep relevant communication. Record dates and circumstances. Seek guidance from the appropriate school leadership or professional structures.
There is wisdom in knowing when to ignore a petty remark and when to report a serious pattern of misconduct.
Silence is not always strength.
Sometimes speaking up is an act of courage.
Protect the person behind the teacher
Perhaps the most important lesson is that teachers must protect their emotional wellbeing.
A difficult conversation at school should not occupy the mind throughout the night.
A rude remark from a learner should not determine your value.
A parent’s accusation should not automatically become your identity.
A colleague’s gossip should not become the soundtrack of your life.
And an administrator’s opinion should not determine your entire professional future.
Psychologist Albert Bandura’s work on self-efficacy reminds us of the importance of believing in our capacity to handle challenges and influence outcomes. Teachers need that internal confidence, particularly when working in demanding environments.
Continue learning. Read. Attend professional development programmes. Develop new skills. Build healthy professional networks. Write. Mentor others. Explore opportunities that strengthen your confidence and competence.
The more secure you become in your professional identity, the less power casual disrespect has over you.
The author’s reference to Bandura is well grounded: his theory of self-efficacy centres on people’s beliefs in their ability to influence events affecting their lives and links those beliefs to motivation, performance and wellbeing.
Know when to walk away from the unnecessary battle
Not every disagreement requires a response.
Sometimes you should address it.
Sometimes you should document it.
Sometimes you should report it.
Sometimes you should forgive it.
And sometimes you should simply let it pass.
The wisdom lies in knowing the difference.
Romans 12:18 offers a powerful principle: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Notice the qualification: as far as it depends on you.
It does not say teachers must control everybody’s behaviour. It reminds us to take responsibility for our own conduct while recognising that we cannot control the actions of others.
A teacher can be firm without being rude.
A teacher can disagree without being disrespectful.
A teacher can defend professional boundaries without becoming hostile.
A teacher can forgive without becoming vulnerable to repeated mistreatment.
And a teacher can walk away from an argument without losing the argument.
The final lesson
Teaching requires a thick skin, but it should never require teachers to lose their humanity.
We should teach learners respect while demonstrating it ourselves. We should demand professional treatment while offering the same to others. We should correct mistakes without humiliating people and defend ourselves without becoming abusive.
Most importantly, teachers should remember this:
Your dignity does not depend on everybody liking you.
You will not always be understood. You will not always be appreciated. You will occasionally be criticised unfairly. Some people will misunderstand your intentions, question your competence or attempt to provoke you.
Do your part.
Correct what needs correcting.
Apologise when you are wrong.
Stand firm when you are right.
Document what matters.
Use the proper channels when necessary.
Protect your mental wellbeing.
And protect your peace.
The teacher who learns to respond rather than react possesses a powerful professional advantage.
READ ALSO: MPs back Bill to recognise, fund APBET schools serving vulnerable learners
Because sometimes the strongest response to disrespect is not retaliation.
It is composure, boundaries, excellence and the courage to remain yourself.
By Astiba Kebongo
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