Human relationships are built on countless small interactions – words spoken, gestures made, boundaries set, silences tolerated and actions either accepted or rejected. Over time, these interactions form patterns. Those patterns become habits. And eventually, those habits become the way people treat you. This is why the statement “You teach people how to treat you” is both profound and empowering. It captures a truth many discover late: what you allow becomes your standard and what you reinforce becomes your experience.
People do not automatically know how to handle you. They study you quietly, noticing your reactions, your expectations, your tolerance levels and your values. Every encounter becomes a lesson. In this sense, you are always teaching – whether consciously or unconsciously. The question is: What are you teaching?
To begin with, boundaries are at the heart of this teaching. Boundaries are not walls meant to keep people away; they are guidelines that tell others how close they can come, how much they can take and how you expect to be engaged. When you set clear boundaries, you send a message that you value yourself and that your space, time and emotions matter. When boundaries are missing or inconsistent, people default to their own comfort and convenience, often at the expense of your well-being. Teaching people how to treat you starts with defining what is acceptable and what is not.
ALSO READ;
TSC announces major Principal transfers across Nyanza schools
Yet boundaries alone are not enough. Consistency is the glue that holds everything together. You cannot tell someone one day that a certain behavior is unacceptable, yet allow it the next day because you want to avoid conflict or because you fear disappointing them. Inconsistency confuses people and gives them room to push the limits. Consistency, on the other hand, trains people to respect your standards. It communicates that your values are not negotiable depending on the day, mood or situation. Through consistency, people learn that you mean what you say and that you stand by your principles.
Self-respect plays an equally central role. How you treat yourself becomes the template others follow. If you constantly speak negatively about yourself, downplay your worth or tolerate mistreatment, you inadvertently signal that such treatment is acceptable. Self-respect is not arrogance; it is the quiet assertion that you are deserving of dignity, kindness, and fairness. When you model this, people respond in kind. Your relationship with yourself becomes the foundation upon which all other relationships are built.
Communication is another powerful teacher. Many conflicts arise not from malice but from assumptions – assumptions about what you want, what you feel and what you expect. Clear communication prevents these misunderstandings. It informs people how to treat you in moments of disagreement, emotional vulnerability or stress. Speaking honestly and respectfully about your needs is not selfish; it is responsible. It helps others understand you better and it encourages them to reciprocate with honesty and respect.
ALSO READ;
Activist moves to court to compel TSC to employ ECDE teachers
Sometimes teaching people how to treat you requires the courage to walk away. Not every relationship is healthy, respectful or redeemable. There are times when talking, correcting, or setting boundaries is not enough – especially when the other person has no intention of changing. In such cases, distancing yourself becomes the ultimate lesson. It demonstrates that you will not stay where your value is ignored or where your dignity is undermined. Walking away is not a failure; it is a declaration of self-worth.
It is important to note that this principle does not mean you are responsible for other people’s bad behavior. Mistreatment, manipulation, and abuse are choices people make, and the blame for such behavior lies with the one doing wrong—not the one receiving it. What the principle highlights is your power to respond, to set limits, and to decide how much access others have to your life. It is about reclaiming control, not accepting blame.
In professional settings, the idea becomes especially relevant. Colleagues, supervisors, or clients treat you based on the standards you enforce. If you constantly agree to unreasonable demands, take on excessive work without boundaries, or accept disrespect silently, you teach them that this is acceptable. When you assert professionalism, communicate limits, and stand up for fair treatment, you teach them to treat you with the seriousness you deserve. Respect in the workplace is rarely accidental; it is cultivated.
In friendships and family relationships, the same principle applies. Some people may push boundaries simply because they assume you will understand or forgive. Others may unknowingly take advantage of your kindness. By addressing issues early—calmly but firmly—you teach them how to engage with you in ways that maintain mutual respect. This is not about confrontation; it is about clarity.
ALSO READ;
Romantic relationships, too, depend heavily on the lessons you teach. If you accept silence where there should be communication, disrespect where there should be partnership, or inconsistency where there should be commitment, you shape the treatment you receive. Healthy relationships thrive where expectations are expressed, needs are honored, and boundaries are respected.
Ultimately, the power of this principle lies in its focus on agency. You may not control other people, but you have full control over what you accept, what you encourage, and what you walk away from. Every interaction becomes an opportunity to reinforce your value. Every “no” becomes a statement of self-preservation. Every standard you uphold becomes a lesson that shapes how others interact with you.
“You teach people how to treat you” is a call to intentional living. It invites you to be deliberate with your boundaries, consistent in your actions, respectful toward yourself, and courageous in your decisions. It reminds you that your life is not a passive experience but an active creation. People will treat you according to the lessons you give – so teach well, teach boldly and teach from a place of deep self-worth.
By Ashford Kimani
Ashford teaches English and Literature in Gatundu North Sub-county and serves as Dean of of Studies.
You can also follow our social media pages on Twitter: Education News KE and Facebook: Education News Newspaper for timely updates.
>>> Click here to stay up-to-date with trending regional stories
>>> Click here to read more informed opinions on the country’s education landscape
