By Amoto Ndiewo
Some say the modern person is too busy making money to take care of his parental responsibilities.
A research by London Times says parents who show personal interest in children’s schoolwork and social lives produce motivated and optimistic children full of confidence and hope. The study conducted by Tomorrows’ Children Project on 1,500 children aged between 13 and 19 says more than 90 percent of the children who felt their parents spent more time with them and took an active interest in their progress had high esteem, were happy, and confident.
On the other hand, 72 percent of children who felt that their parents rarely or never showed any interest in them had ‘the lowest self-esteem, less happiness and little confidence and were more likely to feel depressed, to dislike school and get in trouble with the rules.’
The Tomorrows Children Project noted that the actual amount of time a parent and child spent together need not be great.
“It is all about making the child feel wanted , loved , and listened to,” it found out.
‘’You stupid snail,’’ a lady recalls those words all too well. They were frequently hurled at her by her parents when she was a small child. She remembers she used to get depressed because of the name calling and the fling of insults cut her deeply.
Another man remembers he often felt fearful and anxious whenever his father arrived home.
‘’My sister would hide because daddy was a perfectionist and would constantly bully us for not doing a good enough job on the tasks we had to do ,’’ said the man who never recalls either of his parents commending them.
Such mean treatment and unkind words puts a child on the receiving end. Though the damage may not be immediately visible it is long lasting, ’’ says Ibrahim Sheikh, Deputy Director of Education Wajir County.
Sheikh took part in study of five year olds whom they tracked down in midlife to gain insight into the long term effects of their upbringing. They concluded that the children who had hardest time in childhood and who had a hard time in marriage, friendship and even at work were obviously troubled in childhood.
‘’They are children whose parents were cold and distant and showed little or no affection,’’ he said.
And that is besides rejection and mistreatment by parents as in some cases parents bombard children with constant humiliation and criticism.
Beatrice Mutinga, a nurse, says new parents are often beside themselves with excitement as nearly everything about the baby thrills them.
‘’In the absence of such love, a child may conclude that they must be bad if mom and dad do not show affection, and this may become a deeply held belief that may cause lifelong damage,’’ says Mutinga.
She explains that the modern parent is under constant societal and economic pressure to make ends meet, leaving little time for the children.
Sheikh concludes that as much as indiscipline is not a new phenomenon, the modern parent must create quality time to listen to the children and experience true human emotions with them.
