Have you ever realized that it does happen sometimes, that you undergo pressures from others especially in sneaky ways, only for them to get what they want? Only for their advantage? In my recent read – The Cost of Becoming by Kelly Odongo, he expounds much about manipulation narrowing down to the tools of manipulation as follows:
Anger
Often, you will encounter people who will pretend to be very angry only to cover-up the wrong they have done, so that they are not questioned. Anger may be used to threaten others not to approach you when you know pretty well that you are on the wrong.
Silence
“I do not want trouble,” is the statement by people who ‘revere’ silence as their tool of manipulation. In most cases of a similar situation, that person is usually on the wrong. Interacting with people of such caliber is difficult as it is hard to always predict what is going through their minds. Silent treatment – we call it. Does it really help? Silent treatment never solves any problem; instead, it postpones it. To sort the issue, face the reality, apologise and move on with life.
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Accusations
Such people never take the blame themselves. They keep resurrecting the past mistakes that you did in the past immediately they are found on the wrong. They use your past to accuse you. Simply, playing the blame game. Instead, it is expected that one should face the current mistake, accept that they are on the wrong and apologise. Live life moving forward, not backwards.
Tears
Ladies are awarded as the masters of this game, not to say that men cannot top the league. With fake innocent tears, they can easily make you feel guilty. Watch out!
Sex
In courtship or marriage? To start with, there is a serious debate about pre-marital sex. One party creates a situation of dilemma to the other party, most of the time making the other party compromise. For instance, a boyfriend may threaten his girlfriend a worthwhile break-up if she does not give in to sex. Simply manipulation!
To the married, an instance is denying your partner conjugal rights because they have done or have not done something to you.
Gifts and free lunches
Garry Chapman in his book –The 5 Love Languages values gifts among the five love languages. So, when do gifts turn to the path of manipulation? With your antennae held high, you can always see a person on a mission. We men especially, are the main characters in this play. Men may occasionally offer free lunches and gifts with a hidden intention. It is wise to note that anything you get for free someone else is paying for it. Some gifts are meant to leave you with only an option to compromise when time comes.
Sweet Words
When someone knows you quite well, they will always know what it is that when they say will draw you away. A scent of sweet words will make their speech. Especially over appreciation.
By Daniel Muinde
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