By Andrew Walyaula
waliaulaandrew0@gmail.com
As we reach at her single-room rental house, Janet Lumbasi is quarrelling her son for being rude as she is preparing vegetables to take to the market in the evening.
Her small room, partitioned with curtains resembles a dormitory that I used to reside in campus that only accommodated a bed, a chair, and coffee table.
The cooking gas is placed at the corner near the door and the table is placed next to the bed that can be seen through the ragged curtains.
Janet had invited us in Kitengela to her place to share her journey as a single mother. She rushes out to borrow chairs for us.
While holding her youngest child, tears lingering in her eyes, she kicks off the interview by saying it has been an uphill up to where she is now.
“I parted ways with the husband in 2020, the time when the pandemic had started. I had nowhere to go with my three children. I asked for help from friends and relatives and it could only sustain us in this single room,” she says.
During the crisis, a lot of operations were affected and it was difficult for one to secure a job or get capital to start a business. The restriction of movement had a negative impact to individuals too. What was found was for hand to mouth.
“It was nauseating for him to fight me in front of our children. They actually decided to take my side and took me out of his hands. Then, my firstborn was 12-years-old, so he had efforts and tricks to separate us” she adds.
Janet says that while she was on the road running for her safety together with three children, everything was dramatic.
“I remember while embarking in the matatu the bag that was carrying our belongings tore, the youngest child was crying, and we had not even taken shower. I could tell everyone in the vehicle sympathized with us. We didn’t even pay the fare.”
Starting new life was problematic, according to her, she had to frantically search for job, descent or not.
Whilst hunting for job, she encountered her friend who introduced her to prostitution.
“I couldn’t think twice provide the hustle brought in money,” the mother of three vehemently says.
“My friend played a role of searching for clients, therefore, 25 percent of what I got was hers. She had a smartphone and she could easily trap men online and other dating applications and sites.”
Until now, Janet has never revealed it to her children and she is happy because they never found out.
The money she got from sex working was used as capital to erect a roadside stand to sell vegetables.
“Now I can be able to tell my children I am going to work comfortably. However, the challenges are still there. They lack father-figure, thus, I am worried on how they will be in future,” Janet expresses her fears.
However, she is thankful for the church she joined that has made her realize herself again, aiding in raising up children by building their manners, albeit she perceives the church can do better.
“It is expected that once married you should adhere and submit to the husband, however, it is forgotten that some are hostile. The church should deeply preach against gender based violence and domestic violence,” she notes.
It is estimated that six of every 10 Kenyan women are likely to be single mothers by the time they reach 45, one of the highest rates for single-parent families in Africa.
According to the Pan-African study by two Canadian Sociologists, Kenya has the highest level of children born out of wedlock on the continent.
The research by the National Library of Medicine indicates that urban residence, older age, and poorer economic status are the key factors to single motherhood rising in Kenya.
The sociologists warn that this trend could have a deep impact on society because studies in other parts of the world have shown that a significant number of children brought up in single parent families have lower life prospects than their peers brought up in two-parent families.
Pastor Stephen Mutie of Kenya Revival Centre says that these are vulnerable people that should receive full support from the church.
“Biblical, there are a number of people who were brought up by single mothers and ended up to be big people,” Pastor Mutie says.
Genesis 18:18, 19 teaches the responsibility of parents to faithfully command their children to follow the ways of the lord. Therefore, according to Mutie, single-parents need the aid of the pastors to command their ways to be Godly and in accordance to the expectation of the society.
“The church is failing because sometimes it condemns them. They should be embraced and be educated through seminars and other programs. Additionally, they should be empowered so that they cannot end up in bad ways like prostitution so ass to raise their children,” he adds.
“According to the bible, only the aged women (60-years-old) are not supposed to remarry. Therefore, I urge the single-mothers to remarry so that their children can have father figure who will enable them abide to the rule, most importantly.”
He urges the church to be in fore front to help the single-parented families, acknowledging that they have failed.
“It is in God that we find comfort. Our families can excommunicate us, but still Jesus welcomes us. Therefore, it is upon us to see that the single-parents are receiving the love they require and build their lives in the Lord accordingly. Let us support them spiritually, physically, psychologically, and financially,” Mutesi opines.
Some people interviewed by The Metropolitan Shopper at Kitengela town said that the church has a huge role to mitigate single-parenting, which is against the African norms.
“Parents are not teaching children what is expected. The only institution that I trust can instill morals, even by condemning it is the church,” Mark Mwaniki says
The vices that make children to engage into intimacy at an early age, the peer pressure can be rebuked well by the church, according to evangelist Alex Lusweti.
The 2008/2009 Kenya Demographic Household Survey (KDHS) revealed that 18 percent of women between 15 and 19 years have already begun child-bearing: 15 percent are mothers and an additional three percent are pregnant with their first child. The survey further indicates that 26 percent of women surveyed between the age of 20 and 24 had given birth before turning 18.
Ms. Angelina Nandwa, the founder of Single Mothers Association of Kenya, says that societal pressure sucks women into unwanted pregnancies.
“Some say it’s out of peer influence when all their age mates have children and people start accusing them of being barren.
“So they will trick a man just to get pregnant and prove that they are fertile,” she says
