By Victor Ochieng’
vochieng.90@gmail.com
When I think of the puissant impact of parents on their children, I take a mental flight to what happened to me in the 90s. This was in the Gem of Siaya, at the sultry shores of Nam Lolwe, where the passionate lover of English and fish was born and brought up. The pivotal role played by my grandparents still remains etched in my mortal mind like a printed book. Such episodes stand as epics that remain stencil in the metal sheets of unfolding generations. No wonder, my grizzled granny – Nyar Got Regea – remains the apple of my eye.
Humble and simple life
I was born outside wedlock. My mother later got married in Busia. But I was rejected there, and I got dejected like a wet hen. My mother eventually took me to my maternal grandparents. When I was seven, my mom walked down the way all must go. She rested from the groans and grunts of this life rife with strife. It was sad that the time she went silent, she had not introduced this lithe lad to his dad. When she was alive and kicking, every time I asked her to show me the man who sired me, she only quoted Psalms 68:5: “God is the father to fatherless, and the judge to the widows.”
Left bereft, Son of the Lake felt both bad and sad. So, it was grandparents that brought me up from the time I was an egg, to the time I became a cock. I bid grandparents adieu the time I was going to the university in Kikuyu to wrestle with English language and literature.
Source of hope and help
Today, I look back, and I lavish God with plenty of plaudits and praises. I put my grandparents on a pedestal. Why? Because through it all, in their own way, their actions in the chest of the village honoured the wise words of Mwalimu Julius Nyerere: It can be done. Play your part.
Those were dim days, but grandparents never succumbed to the ginormous jaws of defeat and despair. They shouldered the responsibility of raising seven orphans in a squalid state in the pit of poverty. We struggled to make ends meet. Affording the three-square meals was like asking for a blood donation from a mosquito. Sometimes, during the day, we just ate wild fruits, and escorted the sun to sunset. At night, we feasted on herbs as vegetables, and just took winks of deep sleep, gathered the goo called eye gunk. Or if you like, sleep crust.
But in this abundant lack, grandparents ensured that we never slept on empty stomachs. They also tried their level best to ensure that we went to school to find a way to fend for ourselves, and eke a decent living in future. Lending credence to the motto of Anyiko Primary School that simply read, “Education is for a better tomorrow.”
It is what Malcolm X, the African-American leader sagely said, “Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.” Today, as I pen this piece, I am a strong stanchion – a source of hope and help to my grandparents. They are now ravaged by old age; they are old like Ramogi Hills, crowding 80s. But I can pen this piece with peace; the octogenarians are ageing gracefully. Psalms 127:3-6 is very vivid to them:
“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”
Parents to invest in children
That is why parents should continue to invest in and invest for their children. For such labour of love shall never go in vain. Investing in children means that parents impart useful values and skills in them, investing for children means that they become concerned about their future. Solomon sagely said in Proverbs 13:22 that a good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children.
Prioritise, provide, protect and pray
As a parent, you play your part when you focus on the four Ps: Prioritise, provide, protect and pray for your children. When you prioritise your children, you budget with the money you have, as you think about their welfare first. Providing for them means that you supply all their needs according to your riches on this hallowed hotel, Earth. As you send them to school, you will try your best to pay fees on time. You will cooperate and comply with the school in providing extra levies when need be. By and large, you will get them all the personal effects and academic materials. You protect your children by shielding them against every form of evil influence like drug abuse, crime and immorality. Like Job in the Bible, you protect your children by praying for them on daily basis.
Appreciation, affection and assertion
As a parent, you play your part by focusing on the three A’s: Appreciation, affection and assertion of authority. On appreciation and affection, as a parent, you recognise every positive thing done by the child. But do not forget to assert authority as a parent. Children learn humility and obedience at home. Humility is the spirit of meekness. This meekness is not weakness. Obedience is submission to authority. It behooves parents to teach their children how to submit to authority right at home.
The 5 Love Languages
As Gary Chapman recommends in his book titled the 5 Love Languages, as a parent, try to know the love language that would prop up the self-esteem of your child. Of course, the five love languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, giving gifts, rendering acts of service and ensuring there is physical touch.
TB – Too Busy
This is the conclusion of the matter: Parents cannot play their part if they accept to contract the disease called TB – Too Busy. Parents who subscribe to remote parenting never win the war. Eventually, the character of their children becomes a mirror (true reflection) of who they are. It is what prompts me to close with what I witnessed when I was working as an administrator in one of the private schools in the City in the Sun – Nairobi – before I plunged into private practice.
Monkey see, monkey do
We suspended an impudent student from school. She went home and came back to school with her mother. When they entered the staffroom, the mother was sweating profusely at the rate of a leaking pot. She was fuming and frothing like a poisonous snake. She looked at her impertinent daughter and commanded her, “Sit down! You are a cow! In fact, you are a big cow!” The daughter also gave the mother a sinister look, and answered in the full glare of her teachers, “I am not a cow. I am a calf.”
Aptly put, children are a true reflection of their parents. It is monkey see, monkey do. Leaves hardly fall far from the trees. Children are the chips off the old block.
The Writer Speaks in Parents Meetings in Schools During AGMs, Academic Clinics, Class Conferences, Prayer Days & Form One Orientations/Inductions.
