Teen hood is, or should be the most exciting stage of one’s life. I mean, nothing beats the adrenaline rush, the curiosity and the many adventures with friends; the self-discovery!
Being a teen comes with its own fun and not so fun moments. I remember with nostalgia those days we wrote love letters in school with the infamous lines….”my heart perambulates as my pen dances on this Webuye product just to wallow in your miasma of deep –sea like love… ” those times!
How we believed we were better than the Le Bron’s and Injera’s, men we were flying high. We even dated Alicia Keys in our auotobooks and school “funkiez” of course.
All these seem old school but each generation has its own in thing, not to mention the fashion clad styles. This generation for instance fancies tight clothes and don’t touch me heels, complete with sport shoes-that makes you the ultimate drip kid. Being young comes with its own share of confusions too .
Unfortunately in this mix, the youth fall into the sexual intercourse trap. This is not fun, neither casual at all, as they would rather think. Dear young lady and gentleman; sexual escapades, attachments or engagements of whatever nature is very detrimental and is your fastest way to kill yourself. Let me explain.
It’s not God’s design
Everyone is doing it is rather a lame excuse to indulge. What does God say about it Eph 6;18. God’s intention was for it to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage and between the husband and wife. That way, both are protected physically, spiritually and emotionally. It’s not surprising that many youths are killing each other especially in universities over love triangles. God’s intention if observed, saves us a lot of time, heartache and gives us a bonus—good health, enjoyment and heaven on top.
Within marriage there is no feeling of being used, there is no regrets of sex, no guilt or condemnation, no fear of diseases. It’s just pure bliss at the right time. Casual sex creates spiritual husbands and wives ties that is never healthy for you. Remember the woman at the well with five husbands yet none was her husband?
One therefore can still enjoy ones youth without sex in so many ways. There are lots of fun in meaningful friendships and organizations.
Texts for references: Eph 6:18/Gen 3/Exodus 20
By observing Gods design, we get to exercise self-control as we master the powerful tool of our sexuality. This has many advantages including: clarity of mind, good health,-mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. No fornication=good health. I will talk about how to overcome it for
What then are the challenges pushing youth to early sex pressure?
Upbringing and role models or lack of it
The environment is one of the fastest ways a child learns as they grow up. It is therefore a caregiver’s responsibility to provide an environment healthy for a child. Unfortunately some parents are laying ground for a vicious circle of immorality. Most young people take their parents experiences, opinions for the gospel!
They may figure out their own truth later in life but some parents bring pornography materials to the house, have multiple sexual partners, have controversial stands on marriages and the list goes on and on about the negative sexual activity. Before they know, a whole generation with a perverted mindset on sexuality is before us. The family is the first training and should take the lead on matters sex. Let the first education on sex come from the caregivers. It will be a test through which other information will be measured by. it will be their true North as it points them to a bigger light, The Bible.
Peer influence and social media
The youths need a group to identify with. Perfectly normal for them. The only challenge comes with what brings the clique together. Do they share common goals and beliefs. That’s where church groups, mentorship clubs, sports clubs come in handy to direct their sexual energy the right path. If left unchecked some peer groups lead the young ones to extreme dare evil taunts like sex orgies, daring activities that always leaves a trail of regrets and a bitter pill to swallow.
Social media makes the peer pressure unbearable. Be it movies, the internet, social sites like tick tock, facebook the youth get to be pushed to a certain perception of sexuality that easily derails them. It’s the sort of pressure that justifies the use of abuse of sex and sexuality as okay, being cool and preaches instant gratification.
Past traumas
Some youths have undergone extreme situations like rape, incest assault that have left indelible scars on their esteem. Some have undergone inhuman psychological and physical torture having their biological parents sexually exploit them. Many times, this happens in silence since they are young. Were does this put them? It removes their faith in the other gender and even gives them a warped idea of sex and their sexuality since they feel objectified. If not checked they can have extreme fear of having close relationship with the other gender or can exploit them sexually in return to get even.
Drugs and substance abuse
Some youths get high on alcohol and drugs to engage in sexual desires and fantasies hoping to drown the effects and guilt that come with it. This scapegoat in the long run, drowns them further down the drain. This poses another grave danger of addiction to these substances.
Curiosity
Young people are ever curious. They want to venture in the world of the unknown. They always want to try what they hear. Always desiring, like the Biblical Thomas, to see and touch; this we know how misleading, dangerous it is as already discussed.
What shall we, as young people, do then? Abstain. Flee all evil thoughts. Practice self-control. How? Let me share two ways for today.
The mindset
Romans 12:1-2 talks about overcoming the world only after overcoming our mindset. We should see, think, believe and most importantly do good things and expect Godly things as well. Talking the talk is always the easy part. Walking the walk is always the hardest.
Changing your mindset involves re-looking into your belief system. Making a commitment to self, and like Paul in Damascus, going the opposite direction. Day in, day out.
A man without self-control and the ability to say no is like a city without a wall-defenseless!
Substitution
I love, have practiced this before and have seen it work with the youths I have counseled.
Take note of the people, places, and things and even times when you are doing the wrong thing and replace them with the right and different events, people and things. For 3 weeks consistently the results will be there. Be careful not to slip back. Keep moving forward. For instance, if you do watch porn when alone and in the evening, replace that by not being alone in the evening and having another activity at that time- like playing basketball.
Lastly, forgive yourself, love yourself and live your life to its uttermost best. At the end of the day, ask yourself, did you, make yourself proud?
By Mike Ochieng’
mikeochieng11@gmail.com
The writer is a team builder/educational psychologist/educator/public speaker/preacher.
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