In the recent past, every time I visited Kisima Girls in Maralal, Samburu County, to colour what others have built, I was always enthused by their warm reception and hospitality. Today, as a penman and peripatetic speaker, I reminisce about love and largesse of Mrs. Flora Aloyo – the retired Chief Principal of that national girls’ school.
For the glad days I was in the school to talk to students or staff, the Chief Principal treated me well. Then, she always insisted that we share a meal in her house, which was located at a stone-throw distance from the administration block.
Breaking the fast, sharing luscious lunch and savouring sumptuous supper in the Principal’s place of residence may look humble and simple like a dimple. But, for me, I write about it because I see useful life lessons in it.
As someone who visits several schools across the country, there are places I have visited but felt bereft and left out because of the chilly reception precipitated with abject lack of courtesy. As a scribe, I describe warm reception as the best way to build human bonds, forge friendship and establish rapport with guests.
Albeit, when I hinted to Mrs. Aloyo that I was intending to write about her magnanimity and motherly mien, she just laughed it off the way Sarah, wife of Abraham, did in the ubiquity of the three anonymous guests they entertained with scant knowledge that they were angels.
Apart from being good to guests, Flora, who is beautiful like a festoon of flowers, knew how to build rapport with people within her circle of safety. This wise and winsome woman with a pleasant personality practiced some ideas I read in a book titled Managers as Mentors by Chip R. Bell.
When the Principal goes the extra mile to prepare a yummy meal in her house for guests and staff, I see it as a privilege, not a prerogative. No one should take such a great generous gesture for granted. For it pictures the administrator as someone who is open, loving, caring and in touch with people in her circle of safety.
Moreover, it is advisable for leaders to develop their own techniques for building rapport such as sharing meals, leveling communications, gifting gestures, receptivity for feelings and reflective responses. Just as Madam Flora knows that rapport begins with leveling communications, which focuses on openness and Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR).
In the distant past, psychologist Carl Rogers penned precious pieces on how such acts cement human relationships. Consequently, receptivity for feelings and reflective responses promote kinship, closeness and trust. Gifting gestures acknowledges that actions speak louder than words. Establishing rapport is akin to courtship. You do not say, “Hi Jill, I am Jack. Let us get married. How is tomorrow at three?”
Somewhat, there are little matters of dating like gifts, visits, meeting the family, talking about it, et cetera — all the preliminaries that precede a long-lasting relationship.
Madam Flora is good at kindling kinship through excellent establishment of rapport. The word ‘rapport’ has its provenance in an old French word that means ‘bringing back’ or ‘harmony renewed’. Therefore, rapport majorly focuses on actions aimed at restoring the security of the bond with which we begin life: infant and mother. Life, for most of us, does not begin with anxiety or fear. Life commences with security and trust.
No wonder, leaders should create circles of safety. Simon Sinek argues that way in his heroic book Leaders Eat Last. The Spartans, super-powers in the ancient Greece, were highly feared due to strength, stamina, courage and endurance. Their military prowess did not spring from sharpness of spears, but from the strength of their shields.
Likewise, the strength of an institution does not abut on the éclat of an elegant gate or beautiful buildings that display accurate architectural designs, but it is in the bonds built within. Every person plays an integral role when it comes to maintenance of a circle of safety.
Madam Flora understands that her staff, students and guests ― are people’s sons and daughters who long for love and care. As put aptly by Theodore Roosevelt, “People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Therefore, as a mother, manager and mentor, she has a royal role. Managers like Madam Flora are perfect parents. No wonder, even if she delegates, she still gets concerned about every nook and cranny.
As I conclude, I can say that being good and gracious to guests, accepting and inducting new staff, and admitting new students into the precincts of the school is akin to adoption. No one — not even a stranger — wants to feel out of place.
By Victor Ochieng’
The writer rolls out talks and training services in schools. He trains student leaders and builds capacity of teachers. He facilitates conferences for Principals and Deputy Principals. vochieng.90@gmail.com. 0704420232
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