Right relationship with difficult people can seem an impossible standard to attain. Therefore, what are we supposed to do? There is no shortage of difficult people in our families, places of work, or places of worship. Maybe, you are dealing with a difficult person somewhere. Just take heart. Love them unconditionally. On your side, stay emotionally healthy and stable. Do not elevate people to positions of leadership in order to rescue them. Ask God to grant you wisdom on how to work with them. Be honest with God, yourself and them, too.
The Sherman Tank
This label may bring to mind a person who runs over everything and anything that is on the way. Such a person has the temerity to intimidate others because of “I’m-right-and-you’re-wrong” attitude. S/he intimidates through sheer force and power. Their behaviour is aggressive and even hostile. Due to the Sherman Tanks’ insensitivity, people tend to battle with them. To deal with the Sherman Tank, consider this person’s influence as well as the issue at stake. What are people fighting about, and how many people are under the thumb of the Sherman Tank? Ideally, there is no easy way around this ilk of people. This is because they do not understand tactfulness. Therefore, the team leader must look at them face-to-face and confront specific issues at hand.
The Space Cadet
These people live in their own worlds. They usually do not respond to normal motivation techniques. Frustration is the overwhelming feeling people get when working with them. When working with a Space Cadet, do not evaluate your leadership based on their response. In fact, do not even ask for their opinion about something because you will get an off-the-wall answer. Space Cadets are not good sounding boards. Be careful when placing them in a team. Somewhat, when you need a group of individuals to pull together in order to accomplish a goal, the Space Cadet has difficulty pulling with other people in the same direction. Do not place them in positions of leadership because they will not be able to determine the heartbeat of others. Do not write your Space Cadet friend off as a lost cause. Instead, search for the key to his or her uniqueness, and seek to develop it. Many Space Cadets are extremely brilliant, creative and innovative. They have much to offer if you put them in the right spot. They work best when they work alone. Therefore, find an area in which they are interested. Then, give them space to dream, dare, do.
The Volcano
This is an explosive person. S/he is unpredictable, and tends to be unapproachable. Just as Space Cadet causes frustration, the Volcano causes tension. Those who have to work with this person never know what might set him or her off. So, how should you handle the Volcanos when they blow up? Calmness is the key. Remove them from the crowd and remain calm yourself. Once you have them alone, let them vent steam. Allow them to blow as hard and as long as necessary. Let them get it all out. Do not try to interrupt because they will not hear anything. Hold these people accountable for the things they say, and the people they harm.
The Thumb Sucker
These people tend to pout. They are subject to mood swings. They are full of self-pity, and try to get people to cater for their own desires. They use pouting as an advantage to manipulate others. If things are not going their way, they can create a heavy atmosphere that is as oppressive as rain cloud. They can do this quite cleverly. Often, they employ the silent treatment to get what they want. How do you deal with the Thumb Suckers? First, make them aware of the fact that moodiness is a choice. People become moody to manipulate others and gain control. Let them know that they are responsible for the atmosphere they create. More so, if they are in positions of leadership and influence. Sometimes it is also helpful to expose the Thumb Sucker to people who have real problems. Perhaps it will help them to see themselves in a different light. It is of supreme importance to never reward or give attention to moody people. Giving them opportunities to exhibit their negative attitudes gives them a sense of recognition in a bad way.
The Wet Blanket
This type of person is constantly down and negative to the core. This is the classic impossibility thinker, who sees a problem in every solution. S/he is afflicted with the dreaded dis-ease of ‘excusitis’ – that is – finding problems and manufacturing excuses. The most difficult thing about working with a person like this is that s/he usually takes no responsibility for the negative attitude and behaviour. It is either ‘the other guy’s fault’, or ‘it is just the way I am.’ The wonder of wonders, they can even blame God. Do not reinforce the Wet Blanket’s behaviour by providing a platform from which to conjure excuses. Firmly point out that you have confidence in this person, but his/her present attitude is hindering progress.
The Garbage Collector
This person is deep into the mire of negativity than the Thumb Sucker and Wet Blanket. Such people have surrendered their lives to negative emotions. They love to rehearse injuries they have suffered at the hands of other people. They lick their own wounds and hold onto their wounded ill spirits. Just to be blunt about it, some stink like a skunk and smell like latrine soil. The fact that there is garbage in life is depressing enough, but to collect it and haul it around town in a dump truck for public viewing is downright sick. How do you help them? Confront them about the way they try to represent themselves and other people.
The User
This one manipulates others for his or her own personal gain. They avoid responsibility for themselves, while demanding time and energy from others to benefit their own situations. They often use guilt to get what they want. They put on a weak front in order to get people to feel sorry for them and help them out. How do you work with them? Set predetermined limits on how far you will go to help them. Otherwise, they will push your guilt button and weaken you.
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By Victor Ochieng’
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