The family has always been considered as the nucleus of a society. It is within the home that children learn their first lessons about love, responsibility, discipline, identity, and belonging. Parents, whether biological or adoptive, serve as the central figures in shaping not only the character but also the worldview of their children.
Yet, in the past few decades, the world has witnessed an alarming rise in cases of parental departure through divorce, abandonment, labor migration, or even neglect, leaving behind children who are forced to navigate life’s complexities without adequate parental guidance.
The result has seen a growing generation of young people who are disoriented, bitter, and in some cases, unable to contribute meaningfully to society.
No matter how trivial the situation might appear, its impact runs deep into unsettled, insecure and bitter youth, translating into profound emotional, social, and psychological consequences for children, and by extension, entire communities.
Emotional vacuum of absent parents
When a parent departs, whether by choice or circumstance, the immediate effect is often the creation of an emotional vacuum in a child’s life. Parents serve as anchors, providing not only material support but also affection and emotional stability. The absence of one or both parents disrupts this foundation.
In Kenya, the rising cases of single-parent households following divorce or separation illustrate this vacuum. According to a 2021 Kenya Demographic and Health Survey, nearly 38% of children under 18 live with only one parent, most often the mother.
ALSO READ:
KUPPET secretaries demand halt to unauthorized SWA loan deductions
For instance, children of divorce often find themselves caught in emotional crossfires, juggling loyalties between feuding parents. Similarly, children whose parents migrate for work are left with caregivers who may provide basic needs but cannot fully replace the affection of a parent. This vacuum leaves the child vulnerable to feelings of rejection, insecurity, and abandonment. Over time, these unresolved feelings ferment into bitterness. The child may begin to harbor resentment not only toward the absent parent but also toward society at large, perceiving the world as cold and untrustworthy.
Identity crisis
One of the most profound impacts of parental departure is the identity crisis it instigates in children. Parents, whether they realize it or not, act as mirrors through which children begin to understand themselves. They provide the heritage, values, and traditions that ground a child’s sense of belonging.
When a father departs, for example, boys often lack a model for masculinity, while girls may grow up struggling with issues of self-worth and relationships with men. Equally, the absence of a mother denies children the nurturing dimension of identity formation. Without these models, children often resort to external influences like peers, media, or even delinquent groups to construct their sense of self.
Unfortunately, these influences may be shallow or destructive, resulting in a generation that is confused about who they are, what they stand for, and where they belong.
Bitterness as a defense mechanism
Bitterness among children of departed parents does not emerge in a vacuum; it is often a defense mechanism against deep-seated pain. When children cannot make sense of why their parents left, they develop emotional walls to shield themselves from future disappointment.
ALSO READ:
Consider a child who is constantly promised visits or financial support by a parent who never delivers. Over time, the child learns to distrust not only that parent but anyone who attempts to build a relationship with them. This bitterness manifests in adolescence through rebellion, anger, and sometimes crime. In adulthood, it can show up in difficulty maintaining relationships, reluctance to trust others, and even hostility toward authority figures. Bitterness thus becomes a generational inheritance, passed down as unresolved pain from one cycle of abandonment to another. This has results to rampant killings among youths, young couples and uncontrolled divorces.
Educational and social disorientation
Parental departure also directly interferes with a child’s educational and social trajectory. Studies have consistently shown that children from single-parent or broken homes are more likely to struggle academically compared to those from stable families. This is not because they are less intelligent, but because the absence of parental guidance means fewer resources, less encouragement, and often more household responsibilities that interfere with schoolwork.
Socially, these children often find themselves isolated. A child who feels different because their parent abandoned them may withdraw from peers or, conversely, seek belonging in harmful cliques or gangs. This disorientation makes it difficult for them to develop the soft skills like empathy, teamwork, conflict resolution that are critical in adult life. The consequence is a generation that may excel in some areas but is fundamentally ill-equipped to thrive socially or professionally.
Cycle of dysfunction
Possibly the most troubling consequence of parental departure is the continuation of cycles of dysfunction. A disoriented and bitter child often grows into an adult who struggles to sustain relationships or provide a stable home for their own children. The wounds of abandonment are carried into marriages, parenting, and community interactions.
ALSO READ:
Duncan Arimi’s CBC Gravity Centre is Kenya’s best gift to CBE learners
A 2018 Pew Research Center report found that such children are disproportionately represented among those battling depression and relationship instability later in life.
For instance, a man who grew up without a father may struggle with commitment, repeating the very abandonment that wounded him as a child. A woman who grew up without a mother may grapple with nurturing, finding it difficult to provide emotional warmth to her children. The cycle continues, each generation producing children who are more disoriented and bitter than the last, weakening the social fabric over time.
Parental departure is not merely a private family issue; it has ripple effects across entire communities and nations. When large numbers of children grow up bitter and disoriented, society pays the price in the form of increased crime rates, weakened institutions, and economic stagnation.
Disoriented youth, unable to find purpose or belonging, are more susceptible to radicalization, substance abuse, and violence. Bitter youth, carrying unresolved anger, may resist authority and disrupt social harmony. Employers, too, are forced to grapple with employees who lack discipline, resilience, or cooperative skills, all consequences traceable, in part, to the instability of their upbringing. In this sense, parental departure is not simply a private wound but a public crisis, silently eroding the moral and social foundations of society.
It is the high time we rethink and take the full responsibility. If parental departure results in disoriented and bitter generations, what then is the solution? It begins with a collective rethinking of responsibility.
ALSO READ:
Parents must recognize that their presence is irreplaceable. Providing material support is important, but emotional presence is equally and critical. No amount of remittances from abroad can replace a parent’s hug, words of affirmation, or daily guidance. For those forced by circumstance to leave, deliberate efforts should be made to remain connected through calls, visits, letters, or any form of communication that reassures the child of their importance.
Society, too, has a role to play. Communities must revive the spirit of collective responsibility, where extended families, schools, and religious institutions step in to provide stability for children whose parents are absent. Governments can also contribute by creating policies that strengthen family unity, such as offering incentives for parents to work closer to home, providing counseling services for families undergoing separation, and protecting children from neglect.
Lastly, healing is essential. Children who have suffered the wounds of parental departure must be offered safe spaces to process their pain. Counseling, mentorship, and support groups can help them turn bitterness into resilience. It is only through intentional healing that the cycle of dysfunction can be broken. Otherwise, the scars of abandonment will continue to fester, producing generations who know more about pain than love, and more about survival than thriving.
Parental departure is not a minor inconvenience; it is a life-altering disruption with far-reaching consequences. At its core, it deprives children of the emotional foundation necessary to navigate life confidently and healthily. The result is a generation grappling with disorientation and bitterness—traits that not only hinder personal growth but also weaken the collective strength of society.
If we are to raise children who are emotionally whole, socially competent, and resilient, then parental presence must be treated as sacred. A society that neglects this truth risks producing citizens who are not only bitter about their past but also uncertain about their future. The call, therefore, is for parents, communities, and policymakers to act decisively, placing children’s emotional needs at the center of family and societal priorities. For in the end, how we raise our children determines the destiny of generations to come.
By Juma Ndigo
The writer is multimedia journalist and editor
You can also follow our social media pages on Twitter: Education News KE and Facebook: Education News Newspaper for timely updates.
>>> Click here to stay up-to-date with trending regional stories
>>> Click here to read more informed opinions on the country’s education landscape
