Dear Parents, There is no way a child will comfortably sit down with a stranger and open up about what they are going through. Unfortunately, for many modern-day families, the stranger in question is none other than the parent. We live in times when parents are so busy chasing success, promotions and dreams that they have become visitors in their own children’s lives.
Once maternity leave is over, the mother returns to work, leaving the child in the care of a maid. Ironically, this is the same maid you don’t trust with your bedroom keys, yet you entrust her with your most precious treasure – your baby. You lock your bedroom to protect your valuables, forgetting that your real valuables have tiny hearts and soft hands waiting for your affection and presence.
Evenings come, and you return home exhausted, emotionally drained, and too tired to engage your child. You give instructions, mechanically check homework, and rush to bed. Your child silently retreats into solitude. At barely 1.5 years old, that same child is taken to a daycare centre. From morning till evening, they are surrounded by strangers. By the time you pick them up, they are asleep. You lay them on the bed, perhaps kiss their forehead, but no meaningful conversation happens. Days turn into months; months become years. The emotional bond fades before it even matures.
Weekends, which should be moments for bonding, are often spent elsewhere. You’re in the salon, the chama meeting, business ventures, or social events. The child is left to television, gadgets, or the company of house helpers. The cycle continues until the child reaches Class Three, when you decide to take them to a boarding school “for better concentration.” From then on, you only see them during short holidays.
When schools close, you plan tuition sessions for almost the entire break, denying the child any rest or time to be a child simply. Then, on the last weekend before they go back to school, you organise an outing, take dozens of pictures and flood social media with hashtags like #MadFun or #QualityTime. But deep down, you know that those few hours cannot replace the years of emotional absence. Your child may smile for the photo, but in their heart, there’s a silent cry for connection.
Years go by. Your child moves to secondary school. You are now at the peak of your career, respected and financially stable. You expect your son or daughter to perform exceptionally well. You demand good grades and disciplined conduct. But what you see shocks you. The once polite, bright child is now withdrawn, rebellious, or lost in harmful behaviours. Suddenly, you are called to school for disciplinary cases, or, worse still, you are summoned to a police station or a rehabilitation centre. The very success you worked so hard for feels meaningless when you realise your child is slipping through your fingers.
Dear parents, believe what you may, but the family structure was never designed to be a democracy of convenience. The roles within the family, though evolving, still uphold a divine and natural order. The father’s duty is to provide, guide, and protect the home. The mother’s sacred role is to nurture, care and build character in the children. These are not outdated roles—they are the foundation upon which strong families stand. Modern education, career advancement, and gender equality should never erase the essence of parental presence. When we trade responsibility for comfort, we create the very problems we later spend our lives trying to solve.
As schools close, I urge you to reflect deeply. The mood and attitude with which you receive your children will determine how much they open up to you. If you are harsh, judgmental or dismissive, they will retreat even further. If you are warm, patient and attentive, you will discover what truly affects their performance and behaviour.
Let us also confront a painful reality. There is a lot of harmful learning taking place in some boarding schools. In many dormitories, boys are being introduced to homosexuality, girls to lesbianism, and drugs circulate freely in subtle ways. Silent bullying has become rampant, leaving some learners psychologically scarred and emotionally drained. Many children have suddenly gained or lost weight, not because of diet but because of stress, intimidation, or secret abuse. These are the hidden wounds our children carry home every holiday.
Some students have also been drawn into strange practices – occultism, devil worship and peer influence that undermines their values. As a parent, take time to observe your child. Look at their behaviour, language, dressing, and even tattoos. Have conversations about what those symbols mean. Do not assume everything is innocent. Many children are silently battling spiritual, emotional and psychological attacks disguised as trends.
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The holiday season should not just be about resting or academic revision. It should be a time of reconnection and rediscovery. Make your child your closest friend. Create a safe space where they can talk about anything without fear. Ask open-ended questions and listen without interrupting. Sometimes, all a child needs is your listening ear and undivided attention.
Also, resist the temptation to focus only on academic performance. Grades are important, but they do not define the total worth of your child. What will it profit you if your son scores an A but becomes a drug addict? What gain is there if your daughter joins a university with top marks but loses her moral compass? Report cards do not measure true success, but by the strength of character, sound judgment and responsible behaviour.
Encourage your children to read widely, serve others, help at home and engage in meaningful activities that shape their values. Teach them humility, honesty and self-discipline. Be their role model in speech, dress and conduct. Remember, children learn more from what we do than from what we say.
Dear parents, this holiday, slow down. Put your phone aside. Postpone a meeting. Cancel that unnecessary social event. Sit with your child. Share a meal. Tell stories. Laugh together. Pray together. Guide them with love and truth. Let them see in you a present, caring, and dependable parent—not just a provider or disciplinarian.
This generation is watching us. They are imitating us. The future of our nation rests in the kind of children we are raising today. Let us rise to our sacred calling as parents and rebuild the broken bond between home and child.
Happy holidays with your children.
May this be a season of healing, understanding and renewed love within every family.
By Ashford Kimani
Ashford teaches English and Literature in Gatundu North Sub-county and serves as Dean of Studies.
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