People often use “bitter” as a dismissive label, almost as though it invalidates a person’s feelings. Yet, bitterness, like anger, disappointment, or grief, is a natural human response to loss, betrayal, or unfair treatment. Being bitter is not a crime; it’s simply an emotional state, a reflection of hurt or frustration.
What matters is not shaming someone for being bitter, but allowing space for that bitterness to be acknowledged and worked through. If someone is sacked, abandoned, or stripped of something that once gave them identity and dignity, bitterness is part of the healing journey. Suppressing it or silencing it only makes the wound deeper.
Over time, bitterness can either harden into resentment or transform into resilience and wisdom – depending on whether the person is supported or stigmatised. In fact, many breakthroughs in art, social justice, and even personal reinvention have come from people who first experienced bitterness.
In everyday conversations, one often hears the word “bitter” being thrown around casually. Someone loses their job and dares to voice their frustrations, and immediately, people dismiss them as bitter. Someone who is left in a relationship and speaks out against its unfairness is quickly labelled bitter. Someone leaves an institution and later highlights the wrongs they endured, and society rushes to whisper, “he is just bitter.” This tendency to reduce people’s experiences into a single word is not only unfair but also deeply problematic. Being bitter is not a crime. It is, in fact, a healthy and often inevitable way of expressing one’s frustrations, and no one should be stopped from feeling it.
Bitterness is simply an emotion, just like sadness, anger, or fear. It springs from a sense of loss, betrayal, or perceived injustice. When someone is sacked from a job they valued, their bitterness is often tied to the sudden collapse of their identity and sense of security. Work is never just a salary; it becomes intertwined with one’s dignity, self-worth, and sense of belonging. To be told, “your services are no longer needed,” can feel like a denial of existence itself. When someone is abandoned by a partner they trusted, their bitterness stems from broken promises and shattered trust. It is not pettiness; it is grief translated into sharp words or visible resentment. Instead of dismissing bitterness, people should recognise it as the language of wounded dignity.
There is a quiet cruelty in the way society condemns bitterness. Those who call others bitter are rarely interested in understanding the pain beneath the expression. Instead, they use the label to silence, to dismiss, and to shame. By branding someone bitter, people avoid confronting the truth of their experience. If an ex-employee highlights exploitation in the workplace, dismissing them as bitter saves the institution from accountability. If someone speaks about the betrayal in a relationship, calling them bitter spares the betrayer the responsibility of facing their actions. In other words, “bitter” is often a weapon of convenience. It is easier to ridicule the wound than to admit the harm that caused it.
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But bitterness is not only inevitable; it is also necessary. It plays a role in healing. To feel bitter is to acknowledge that something precious was lost, that expectations were not met, that a wrong was committed. Suppressing bitterness does not make it disappear; it only pushes it underground where it festers and later erupts in worse forms – depression, cynicism, or violence. By allowing someone the freedom to feel bitter, we give them a chance to process their pain. Just as tears cleanse grief and anger sparks the pursuit of justice, bitterness is a stage in emotional digestion. It should not be ridiculed but respected.
Of course, bitterness can be dangerous if one chooses to dwell in it forever. Left unchecked, it can calcify into resentment and hostility. However, the problem is not bitterness itself; the problem is being stuck in it without support or a clear pathway forward. When someone loses a job and the community mocks them as bitter, they are deprived of empathy and driven deeper into isolation. When someone who has been abandoned in love is dismissed as bitter, they may retreat into self-hatred instead of finding closure. The tragedy is that the very people who need understanding are the ones denied it by the casual cruelty of the “bitter” label.
It is important to recognise that some of the most transformative stories in human history have emerged from bitterness. Revolutions have been born because the people grew bitter with oppression. Art, poetry and music have often sprung from the bitterness of broken hearts and broken systems. Even personal reinvention—the courage to start again, to rebuild after loss—is often ignited by bitterness. To feel bitter is to feel deeply. It is to refuse to be numb. It is a protest of the soul against being reduced to silence.
In truth, calling someone bitter says more about the accuser than the accused. It reveals a discomfort with raw honesty. It exposes the fear of facing reality. It uncovers the laziness of those who would rather dismiss than empathise. If someone is bitter after being sacked, perhaps the real question should be: why were they sacked, and was it fair? If someone is bitter after being abandoned, the deeper reflection should be: what promises were broken and what lessons lie beneath the pain? To call someone bitter is to miss the opportunity to understand the world from their wounded perspective.
Bitterness is not pretty. It rarely comes wrapped in polite words or gentle tones. It often sounds sharp, accusatory or resentful. But that is precisely why it is honest. Pain is not meant to be attractive. Grief does not wear a smile. When we demand that those who suffer present their pain in soft and palatable ways, we are demanding dishonesty. Allowing someone to be bitter is to enable them to be human in their rawest form.
Ultimately, we should change the way we respond to bitterness. Instead of silencing it, we should listen. Instead of shaming it, we should validate it. Instead of dismissing it, we should ask what truth it points to. This does not mean encouraging people to live permanently in bitterness; instead, it means giving them the dignity to pass through it without judgment. Just as one cannot rush grief or laughter, one cannot rush bitterness. It will fade naturally when given space to breathe.
So the next time someone is labelled bitter because they lost a job, were abandoned in love, or walked away from an institution, resist the urge to join the chorus of dismissal. Bitterness is not a crime. It is a sign that someone cared deeply, was wounded deeply and is struggling to make sense of their loss. To be bitter is to be human. And instead of silencing those voices, we should respect them, for they carry the raw truths that polite society would rather ignore.
By Ashford Kimani
Ashford teaches English and Literature in Gatundu North Sub-county and serves as Dean of Studies.
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