By Victor Ochieng’
When I think of the great impact of parents on their children, I take a mental flight to what happened to me in the sunset of the 90s in the Gem of Siaya County. The integral role played by my grandparents remain etched in my mortal mind like a printed book. Such episodes stand as epics that remain stencil in the metal sheets of unfolding generations.
I was born outside wedlock. My mother later got married in Busia County. But I was rejected there, and I got dejected like a wet hen. My mother eventually took me to my maternal grandparents. When I was seven, my mom, Nyar Gem, went to be with the Lord. Unfortunately, by the time she went silent, she had not introduced this lithe lad to his earthly dad. Every time I asked her to show me the man who sired me, she only quoted Psalms 68:5: “God is the father to fatherless, and the judge to the widows.”
Left bereft, I felt both bad and sad. Somewhat, it was the grizzled grandparents who brought me up from the time I was three to the time I became a striking stripling. I stopped being under the thumb of my grandparents by the time I was going to the University in Kikuyu to wrestle with English Language and Literature.
Today, I look back and thank God profusely. And I also put my grandparents on a pedestal. Why? In a simple and humble way, they obeyed the wise words of Julius Nyerere: “It can be done, play your part.”
In retrospect, those were tough times but my grandparents never succumbed to jaws of defeat and despair. They shouldered the responsibility of raising seven orphans in the pit of poverty. We struggled to make ends meet. Affording the three-square meals was like asking for a blood donation from a mosquito. Sometimes, during the day, we just ate wild fruits and escorted the sun to sunset. At night, we feasted on herbs as vegetables and took winks of deep sleep to gather the goo called eye gunk.
Nevertheless, in that abundance of lack, my grandparents ensured that we never slept on an empty stomach. They also ensured that we went to school to find a way to fend for ourselves and eke out a decent living in future. For it was Malcolm X who observed, “Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.”
Today, as I pen this piece, I am a source of hope and help to my grandparents. They are now old like Ramogi Hills, crowding 90s. In the whole scheme of things, I pen this piece with peace in my conscience; the octogenarians are ageing with graceful gait.
Psalms 127:3-6 is very vivid to them: “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”
No wonder, parents should continue to invest in and invest for their children. For such a labour of love shall never wane in waste. Investing in children imply that parents impart useful values and skills in children. Investing for children imply that parents become concerned about the future of their offspring. Solomon cited it in Proverbs 13:22: “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children.”
Again, parents play their part by focusing on the 4 P’s: Prioritising, Providing, Protecting and Praying for their children. Prioritising means that when parents budget with the money they have, they think about welfare of children first. Providing for them means that parents supply all their needs according to their riches. As they send them to school, they should pay school fees on time. Parents should provide personal effects and academic materials. Parents protect children by shielding them against every form of evil influence. Like Job in the Bible, they protect children by praying for them daily.
Moreover, parents play their part when they focus on 3 A’s: Appreciation, Affection and assertion of Authority. On appreciation and affection, parents recognise positive things done by children. As Gary Chapman recommends in his book titled the 5 Love Languages, parents know the love language of their children, which include: Words of affirmation, quality time, giving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Parents should not forget to assert authority. Children learn humility and obedience at home. Humility is the spirit of meekness, which is not weakness. Obedience is submission to authority.
Finally, parents cannot play their part when they accept to suffer from TB – Too Busy. Parents who subscribe to remote parenting never win the war. Eventually, the character of their children become a true reflection of who they are. It is what compels me to close with what I witnessed when I was working as an administrator in one of the private schools in the City in the Sun before I plunged into private practice. We suspended a rude student. She went home and came back to school with her mother, entered the staffroom, the mother fuming and frothing like a snake. She looked at her daughter and commanded her, “Sit down! You are a cow! In fact, you are a big cow!” The daughter also gave the mother a bad look, and answered in the presence of teachers, “I am not a cow. I am a calf.” Aptly put, children are a true reflection of their parents. It is monkey see, monkey do. Leaves hardly fall far from the trees.
The writer addresses parents’ meetings in secondary schools.
vochieng.90@gmail.com. 0704420232
