By Victor Ochieng’
vochieng.90@gmail.com
Before King David rested from the groans and grunts present in this world of birth and death; he played his part as a man. Before he went silent, he charged his son Solomon saying: I am about to go the way of all the earth. Be strong. Act like a man. 1 Kings 2:2.
That speaks to us that in case we want a sane and sober society, every man has a mandate: Strive to mentor the boy child. Or else, we shall have a lot of big boys masquerading as men.
In the book titled the Maze of Masculinity, Stephen Kigwa argues that no man stands as tall as when he bends to help a boy. Even if you are a single mother, you just need to tie and tether a boy to the right man, and he will never miss the mark.
Again, in a book titled Boys to Men, Simon Mbevi talks about forms of manhood, which include: a boy, man, husband, father and elder. A boy only becomes a man when he understands responsibility, which is the sure mark of masculinity. A man becomes a husband when he marries a woman. When a husband sires children with a wife, he becomes a father. A man becomes an elder when his sphere of influence goes beyond his family.
Communities have different ways of initiating boys into manhood. But it is not easy for a boy to become a man. The mystery of masculinity goes beyond possession of biceps, triceps and ‘jawceps’. It goes beyond having bass and beards. The understanding of manhood goes beyond initiation rites and rituals.
Joe Mwangi in his book titled Why Boys are not Becoming Men posits: “Being a man is not just growing tall; for even trees are tall but are not men. Being a man is not just having beards; for even bleating billy-goats have beards but are not men. Being a man is being responsible.”
It is difficult to talk about boys graduating to men of means and manners without talking about the puissant impact of fathers in the society. Buried in every boy, is the potential of becoming a father. Unfortunately, being called a father is easy, but becoming one is a Herculean task. The success of a man is not measured by the model or size of the car he cruises, or lush land he owns, but success of a man is seen when he inculcates golden and godly values in his children.
God the father, is the the picture-perfect model, and mentor of all men who yearn to be true fathers. A man learns to be a good father from a successful father. A father grows into fatherhood by leaning on, and learning from God of goodness and grace.
Solomon did not just teach and preach his own wisdom. But all the winsome wealth of wisdom he wielded, he tapped from his dad, David; son of Jesse. David taught his son Solomon the wisdom he had garnered from God. So, according to 1 Kings 4:32, Solomon penned 3,000 proverbs and 1,005 songs.
Therefore, when we trace the wonderful wisdom of Solomon, we all agree that the boy child learns a lot of lessons from a father figure. That is why we need men to mentor boys. Fathers have a big influence on the boy child. To convince you on this, a certain research was conducted in America, and the findings left tongues wagging, and heads spinning: 80% of rapists came from fatherless homes. 90% of street urchins came from fatherless homes. 85% of all children with behaviorial disorders hailed from fatherless homes. 85% of youths rotting in prison came from fatherless homes. 63% of youths who succumbed to suicide came from fatherless homes. 75% of youths who abused drugs came from fatherless homes. 75% of school drop outs came from fatherless homes.
In the year 2009, a study was also conducted with a sample of 200 male guests of state at the Nairobi West Prison in Kenya. The findings were also shell-shocking: 52% grew up without fathers. 10% had abusive fathers. Only 10% had a good relationship with their fathers. In the Industrial Area Remand Prison in Kenya, a corrective facility that houses over 3,000 men, this is what came to light after focusing on it. 78% grew up without fathers. 8% had abusive fathers. 6% had passive dads; present but absent.
What is the lesson from the two case studies? Dad is destiny. The influence of fathers cascades to the fourth generation. When fathers abdicate their regal responsibilities and royal roles, the society becomes sick and weak. A father is a founder, foundation, author, authority, preacher, teacher, director and mentor.
Men should strive mentor boys. We need mentors in homes, schools, colleges and churches. Apostle Paul of Tarsus played this royal role. In his second missive to his protégé Timothy, he penned: You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. The things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses, entrust to reliable people, who will also be qualified to teach others. 2 Timothy 2:1-2
Consider that mentorship model. Paul mentored by Gamaliel, also decided to mentor young men like Timothy and Titus. Jesus of Nazareth invested in the twelve disciples, even though the likes of Judas Iscariot became apostates. Elijah propped up Elisha to a great extent. That is why Son of the Lake and others are devoted and dedicated to matters mentorship and apprenticeship.
In Great Greece, a ‘mentor’ was a wise trusted advisor; protective, supportive counsellor. A mentor leads by example. Your mentor determines your mentality. Both occidental and oriental knowledge acknowledge: If you want to know the way, ask those who are coming back. Confucius, the ancient Chinese philosopher advised, “When you see a man of worth, think of how you may emulate him.”
Socrates mentored Aristotle. Aristotle mentored Plato, who in turn mentored Alexander the Great. No wonder, Laurent D. Daloz sagely said, “Mentors are guides; they lead us a long a journey of our lives. We trust them because they have been there before us.”
The writer is rolls out talks and training services. He is the author of Boys, Be Men.
